Today I am supposed to be in great a great mood. I am supposed to be talking to my wife reflecting on our last year as a married couple. But, it doesn't seem like that is going to happen. I am deployed so there is the on nail. Then I am stuck not being able to really do anything, there is nail number two. I don't have a lot of play money right now, so there is number three. Then the final nail come in the form of i might not be able to go home on leave. All the bullshit i put up with before doesn't even compare to how i feel right now/ I mean I have been so low that I have wanted to end it all, then there has been moment's that I wanted to immortalize them in my history. But. right now I feel lower then the ground under the shit. Now, I might not be able to come home and see my lil one turn two. Thank you 2-8, you have fucked me over again. It seems like the only place that life was good in the military was when i was in Germany. Ever since I came to the states, things just got shot to shit. The military really has made my like a living hell.
I have adopted the nickname Big Daddy for two special reason's. I feel that this is the correct forum to explain it. There is a game called Bioshock, it happens to be one of my favorite games and one of the characters in the game happeneds to be named Big Daddy. He protects his lil sister with great ferocity and disregard for his own life. This is the first reason I choose this name. The second reason is cause I have gotten considerably larger while on this deployment. Melody and Sidsel are my lil girls. I will protect them like mindless brutes.
Enough on that. I am so pissed right now. Everywhere else i have been I knew when I was going to leave for RnR a week in advance. Being that I am "supposed" to be going home for the 1 through the 10th, I am supposed to either be leaving here tomorrow or the next day, but I can't even come close to saying when that is going to happen. I hate this shit and feel like punching a hole through the wall right now. If I find out that I am not going at all i will completely shut down. No one will exist outside of family. I don't care anymore as is, this will just make it easier to get rid of them. Fuck the world, cause it keeps on fucking me.
Why does this bullshit keep happening to me, I mean I grew up in the church and yet I sit back and watch as my family and friends that give everything to "God" sit and suffer. If there really was one then why the fuck is he playing mind games with us. You are supposed to take care of the world and yet you sit back and watch as people die needlessly, you sit back and watch as families go hungry and the rich just sit back and enjoy there lives. Yeah, you are there...to watch us fail. The only thing i have left in my life is my family. I will take care of them till the end. Which there is no end for me so guess they will always be protected.
So is it really worth it....as far as family, hell yeah. As far as God...no, I would rather believe in nothing before i subject myself to giving all my problems to a man that is not there to solve them. As far as friends....they only get half because if you are a member of the inner circle then you are considered family anyway. The rest can die tomorrow and i would piss on there grave the next. The rest of the world can get the middle finger and french kiss my ass so we both can enjoy it.
I have adopted the nickname Big Daddy for two special reason's. I feel that this is the correct forum to explain it. There is a game called Bioshock, it happens to be one of my favorite games and one of the characters in the game happeneds to be named Big Daddy. He protects his lil sister with great ferocity and disregard for his own life. This is the first reason I choose this name. The second reason is cause I have gotten considerably larger while on this deployment. Melody and Sidsel are my lil girls. I will protect them like mindless brutes.
Enough on that. I am so pissed right now. Everywhere else i have been I knew when I was going to leave for RnR a week in advance. Being that I am "supposed" to be going home for the 1 through the 10th, I am supposed to either be leaving here tomorrow or the next day, but I can't even come close to saying when that is going to happen. I hate this shit and feel like punching a hole through the wall right now. If I find out that I am not going at all i will completely shut down. No one will exist outside of family. I don't care anymore as is, this will just make it easier to get rid of them. Fuck the world, cause it keeps on fucking me.
Why does this bullshit keep happening to me, I mean I grew up in the church and yet I sit back and watch as my family and friends that give everything to "God" sit and suffer. If there really was one then why the fuck is he playing mind games with us. You are supposed to take care of the world and yet you sit back and watch as people die needlessly, you sit back and watch as families go hungry and the rich just sit back and enjoy there lives. Yeah, you are there...to watch us fail. The only thing i have left in my life is my family. I will take care of them till the end. Which there is no end for me so guess they will always be protected.
So is it really worth it....as far as family, hell yeah. As far as God...no, I would rather believe in nothing before i subject myself to giving all my problems to a man that is not there to solve them. As far as friends....they only get half because if you are a member of the inner circle then you are considered family anyway. The rest can die tomorrow and i would piss on there grave the next. The rest of the world can get the middle finger and french kiss my ass so we both can enjoy it.
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